Friday, October 30, 2009
Sunday, October 11, 2009
26 Bigest Misakes We Make with Our Children
What scares women most?
Coming down with a serious illness?
Dying?
Being financially devastated?
Losing your job?
Failing at your marriage?
Yes, these are all terrifying things, but I have discovered what scares women the most is the thought of something terrible happening to their children. We want the very best for our children. We don't want them to be afraid, unhappy, insecure and unsuccessful. We think about this a great deal and women who are not worrying about this because their children are happy and thriving are women who feel greatly blessed! But how do we protect our children? Do we really know how? I didn't.
Here I am now, an author of over 20 books on parenting, relationships, networking, and entitlement, but what got me started in writing, researching, and being absolutely "on my face" motivated to understand this subject better was doing it WRONG, and suffering the consequences. It is one of the heaviest burdens I carry in my heart. How did I, with every great intention, set my oldest son, as well as everyone who loves him, up to suffer. I just wanted him to be happy. When he was born I thought I had done something that no one else had ever done. I know that sounds outrageously silly, since there are around 7 billion people on the planet, but the miracle of giving birth so overwhelmed me with its intoxicating magic, that all I could think about was how can I protect my child from this day forward. Maybe a few of you are nodding with me. I had never felt so much love and devotion in my life. There he was a small helpless, completely adorable baby--and he was mine.
I remember feeling completely inadequate and unprepared to be a mom. There had not been any classes to take on how to raise a great child. I had read the development books and certainly had an entire bedroom of the most up to date gadgets and programs to turn my son into a genius. His room was bright colors because the experts say that bright colors stimulate a babies mind, I played music of all sorts from classical to country because music lights up special areas in the brain, I played different languages because the experts tell us that whatever language a child is exposed to before the age of two is easier for them to learn later in life.
I made my sister and her four children go outside on the deck and look at my son through the window to avoid germs--yes, I had it bad and thought I was doing GOOD.
This series of blogs is going to focus on the 26 biggest mistakes we make with our children. We will take an in depth look at things we do with love and out of love, that might not be the best things we can do for our children. We are going to take a satirical walk down parenting lane and examine the things we can do to make monsters out of the miracles God gave us to parent. I am going to take you step by step on a journey with me that will explore the MISTAKES you can make with your children that will set them up to suffer in the long run, as well as, what you can do to turn things around.
So here is number one of what to do if you want to turn those miracles of yours into monsters:
Ask nothing of your children. That's right, simply ask nothing of your children. When you ask and expect nothing you provide your children with little, or no, opportunities to give anything to anyone that might help them define themselves as compassionate contributors. When you ask for nothing, you are expecting Nothing--instead of the BEST from your children. If you are busy "making your child's life fun and easy" you run the risk of becoming a provider of services that your child consumes without ever learning the value of providing a part of who they are for the benefit of others. You can unknowingly teach your children to be takers without much thought of sacrificing. Sacrifice is an important piece of learning our value. It helps to teach us our worth in life. A sure way to inhibit a child’s sense of worth is to simply ask for nothing, expect nothing, and demand nothing and all too soon your children will begin to feel like their lives mean “nothing.” Meaning helps us make sense of our lives. If you want to ensure your child's happiness and success teach them sacrifice. The more they learn to sacrifice their gifts and talents, efforts and abilities to benefit the lives of others, the more their lives will mean, and the less "meaness" will fill their hearts.
Dawn Billings, author of over 20 books and creator of the New Parenting Tool and Wonderful Toy called CAPABLES. Dawn is the CEO & Founder of The Heart Link Network and The Heart Alliance. Both provide face to face and online Womens Networking. She was chosen by Oprah Magazine and The White House Project as one of 80 emerging women leaders in the nation in 2008. Dawn is the creator of The Primary Color Personality Test, administered to over 80,000 people each year, and the Founder of the video inspiration website Hearts Inspiration, which offers spiritual, success, relationship, parenting and personalized videos to encourage and inspire those you love. These videos are around a minute long because Dawn believes it takes "Just a Dawn Minute" to change your life.
Coming down with a serious illness?
Dying?
Being financially devastated?
Losing your job?
Failing at your marriage?
Yes, these are all terrifying things, but I have discovered what scares women the most is the thought of something terrible happening to their children. We want the very best for our children. We don't want them to be afraid, unhappy, insecure and unsuccessful. We think about this a great deal and women who are not worrying about this because their children are happy and thriving are women who feel greatly blessed! But how do we protect our children? Do we really know how? I didn't.
Here I am now, an author of over 20 books on parenting, relationships, networking, and entitlement, but what got me started in writing, researching, and being absolutely "on my face" motivated to understand this subject better was doing it WRONG, and suffering the consequences. It is one of the heaviest burdens I carry in my heart. How did I, with every great intention, set my oldest son, as well as everyone who loves him, up to suffer. I just wanted him to be happy. When he was born I thought I had done something that no one else had ever done. I know that sounds outrageously silly, since there are around 7 billion people on the planet, but the miracle of giving birth so overwhelmed me with its intoxicating magic, that all I could think about was how can I protect my child from this day forward. Maybe a few of you are nodding with me. I had never felt so much love and devotion in my life. There he was a small helpless, completely adorable baby--and he was mine.
I remember feeling completely inadequate and unprepared to be a mom. There had not been any classes to take on how to raise a great child. I had read the development books and certainly had an entire bedroom of the most up to date gadgets and programs to turn my son into a genius. His room was bright colors because the experts say that bright colors stimulate a babies mind, I played music of all sorts from classical to country because music lights up special areas in the brain, I played different languages because the experts tell us that whatever language a child is exposed to before the age of two is easier for them to learn later in life.
I made my sister and her four children go outside on the deck and look at my son through the window to avoid germs--yes, I had it bad and thought I was doing GOOD.
This series of blogs is going to focus on the 26 biggest mistakes we make with our children. We will take an in depth look at things we do with love and out of love, that might not be the best things we can do for our children. We are going to take a satirical walk down parenting lane and examine the things we can do to make monsters out of the miracles God gave us to parent. I am going to take you step by step on a journey with me that will explore the MISTAKES you can make with your children that will set them up to suffer in the long run, as well as, what you can do to turn things around.
So here is number one of what to do if you want to turn those miracles of yours into monsters:
Ask nothing of your children. That's right, simply ask nothing of your children. When you ask and expect nothing you provide your children with little, or no, opportunities to give anything to anyone that might help them define themselves as compassionate contributors. When you ask for nothing, you are expecting Nothing--instead of the BEST from your children. If you are busy "making your child's life fun and easy" you run the risk of becoming a provider of services that your child consumes without ever learning the value of providing a part of who they are for the benefit of others. You can unknowingly teach your children to be takers without much thought of sacrificing. Sacrifice is an important piece of learning our value. It helps to teach us our worth in life. A sure way to inhibit a child’s sense of worth is to simply ask for nothing, expect nothing, and demand nothing and all too soon your children will begin to feel like their lives mean “nothing.” Meaning helps us make sense of our lives. If you want to ensure your child's happiness and success teach them sacrifice. The more they learn to sacrifice their gifts and talents, efforts and abilities to benefit the lives of others, the more their lives will mean, and the less "meaness" will fill their hearts.
Dawn Billings, author of over 20 books and creator of the New Parenting Tool and Wonderful Toy called CAPABLES. Dawn is the CEO & Founder of The Heart Link Network and The Heart Alliance. Both provide face to face and online Womens Networking. She was chosen by Oprah Magazine and The White House Project as one of 80 emerging women leaders in the nation in 2008. Dawn is the creator of The Primary Color Personality Test, administered to over 80,000 people each year, and the Founder of the video inspiration website Hearts Inspiration, which offers spiritual, success, relationship, parenting and personalized videos to encourage and inspire those you love. These videos are around a minute long because Dawn believes it takes "Just a Dawn Minute" to change your life.
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