Friday, October 30, 2009
Sunday, October 11, 2009
26 Bigest Misakes We Make with Our Children
What scares women most?
Coming down with a serious illness?
Dying?
Being financially devastated?
Losing your job?
Failing at your marriage?
Yes, these are all terrifying things, but I have discovered what scares women the most is the thought of something terrible happening to their children. We want the very best for our children. We don't want them to be afraid, unhappy, insecure and unsuccessful. We think about this a great deal and women who are not worrying about this because their children are happy and thriving are women who feel greatly blessed! But how do we protect our children? Do we really know how? I didn't.
Here I am now, an author of over 20 books on parenting, relationships, networking, and entitlement, but what got me started in writing, researching, and being absolutely "on my face" motivated to understand this subject better was doing it WRONG, and suffering the consequences. It is one of the heaviest burdens I carry in my heart. How did I, with every great intention, set my oldest son, as well as everyone who loves him, up to suffer. I just wanted him to be happy. When he was born I thought I had done something that no one else had ever done. I know that sounds outrageously silly, since there are around 7 billion people on the planet, but the miracle of giving birth so overwhelmed me with its intoxicating magic, that all I could think about was how can I protect my child from this day forward. Maybe a few of you are nodding with me. I had never felt so much love and devotion in my life. There he was a small helpless, completely adorable baby--and he was mine.
I remember feeling completely inadequate and unprepared to be a mom. There had not been any classes to take on how to raise a great child. I had read the development books and certainly had an entire bedroom of the most up to date gadgets and programs to turn my son into a genius. His room was bright colors because the experts say that bright colors stimulate a babies mind, I played music of all sorts from classical to country because music lights up special areas in the brain, I played different languages because the experts tell us that whatever language a child is exposed to before the age of two is easier for them to learn later in life.
I made my sister and her four children go outside on the deck and look at my son through the window to avoid germs--yes, I had it bad and thought I was doing GOOD.
This series of blogs is going to focus on the 26 biggest mistakes we make with our children. We will take an in depth look at things we do with love and out of love, that might not be the best things we can do for our children. We are going to take a satirical walk down parenting lane and examine the things we can do to make monsters out of the miracles God gave us to parent. I am going to take you step by step on a journey with me that will explore the MISTAKES you can make with your children that will set them up to suffer in the long run, as well as, what you can do to turn things around.
So here is number one of what to do if you want to turn those miracles of yours into monsters:
Ask nothing of your children. That's right, simply ask nothing of your children. When you ask and expect nothing you provide your children with little, or no, opportunities to give anything to anyone that might help them define themselves as compassionate contributors. When you ask for nothing, you are expecting Nothing--instead of the BEST from your children. If you are busy "making your child's life fun and easy" you run the risk of becoming a provider of services that your child consumes without ever learning the value of providing a part of who they are for the benefit of others. You can unknowingly teach your children to be takers without much thought of sacrificing. Sacrifice is an important piece of learning our value. It helps to teach us our worth in life. A sure way to inhibit a child’s sense of worth is to simply ask for nothing, expect nothing, and demand nothing and all too soon your children will begin to feel like their lives mean “nothing.” Meaning helps us make sense of our lives. If you want to ensure your child's happiness and success teach them sacrifice. The more they learn to sacrifice their gifts and talents, efforts and abilities to benefit the lives of others, the more their lives will mean, and the less "meaness" will fill their hearts.
Dawn Billings, author of over 20 books and creator of the New Parenting Tool and Wonderful Toy called CAPABLES. Dawn is the CEO & Founder of The Heart Link Network and The Heart Alliance. Both provide face to face and online Womens Networking. She was chosen by Oprah Magazine and The White House Project as one of 80 emerging women leaders in the nation in 2008. Dawn is the creator of The Primary Color Personality Test, administered to over 80,000 people each year, and the Founder of the video inspiration website Hearts Inspiration, which offers spiritual, success, relationship, parenting and personalized videos to encourage and inspire those you love. These videos are around a minute long because Dawn believes it takes "Just a Dawn Minute" to change your life.
Coming down with a serious illness?
Dying?
Being financially devastated?
Losing your job?
Failing at your marriage?
Yes, these are all terrifying things, but I have discovered what scares women the most is the thought of something terrible happening to their children. We want the very best for our children. We don't want them to be afraid, unhappy, insecure and unsuccessful. We think about this a great deal and women who are not worrying about this because their children are happy and thriving are women who feel greatly blessed! But how do we protect our children? Do we really know how? I didn't.
Here I am now, an author of over 20 books on parenting, relationships, networking, and entitlement, but what got me started in writing, researching, and being absolutely "on my face" motivated to understand this subject better was doing it WRONG, and suffering the consequences. It is one of the heaviest burdens I carry in my heart. How did I, with every great intention, set my oldest son, as well as everyone who loves him, up to suffer. I just wanted him to be happy. When he was born I thought I had done something that no one else had ever done. I know that sounds outrageously silly, since there are around 7 billion people on the planet, but the miracle of giving birth so overwhelmed me with its intoxicating magic, that all I could think about was how can I protect my child from this day forward. Maybe a few of you are nodding with me. I had never felt so much love and devotion in my life. There he was a small helpless, completely adorable baby--and he was mine.
I remember feeling completely inadequate and unprepared to be a mom. There had not been any classes to take on how to raise a great child. I had read the development books and certainly had an entire bedroom of the most up to date gadgets and programs to turn my son into a genius. His room was bright colors because the experts say that bright colors stimulate a babies mind, I played music of all sorts from classical to country because music lights up special areas in the brain, I played different languages because the experts tell us that whatever language a child is exposed to before the age of two is easier for them to learn later in life.
I made my sister and her four children go outside on the deck and look at my son through the window to avoid germs--yes, I had it bad and thought I was doing GOOD.
This series of blogs is going to focus on the 26 biggest mistakes we make with our children. We will take an in depth look at things we do with love and out of love, that might not be the best things we can do for our children. We are going to take a satirical walk down parenting lane and examine the things we can do to make monsters out of the miracles God gave us to parent. I am going to take you step by step on a journey with me that will explore the MISTAKES you can make with your children that will set them up to suffer in the long run, as well as, what you can do to turn things around.
So here is number one of what to do if you want to turn those miracles of yours into monsters:
Ask nothing of your children. That's right, simply ask nothing of your children. When you ask and expect nothing you provide your children with little, or no, opportunities to give anything to anyone that might help them define themselves as compassionate contributors. When you ask for nothing, you are expecting Nothing--instead of the BEST from your children. If you are busy "making your child's life fun and easy" you run the risk of becoming a provider of services that your child consumes without ever learning the value of providing a part of who they are for the benefit of others. You can unknowingly teach your children to be takers without much thought of sacrificing. Sacrifice is an important piece of learning our value. It helps to teach us our worth in life. A sure way to inhibit a child’s sense of worth is to simply ask for nothing, expect nothing, and demand nothing and all too soon your children will begin to feel like their lives mean “nothing.” Meaning helps us make sense of our lives. If you want to ensure your child's happiness and success teach them sacrifice. The more they learn to sacrifice their gifts and talents, efforts and abilities to benefit the lives of others, the more their lives will mean, and the less "meaness" will fill their hearts.
Dawn Billings, author of over 20 books and creator of the New Parenting Tool and Wonderful Toy called CAPABLES. Dawn is the CEO & Founder of The Heart Link Network and The Heart Alliance. Both provide face to face and online Womens Networking. She was chosen by Oprah Magazine and The White House Project as one of 80 emerging women leaders in the nation in 2008. Dawn is the creator of The Primary Color Personality Test, administered to over 80,000 people each year, and the Founder of the video inspiration website Hearts Inspiration, which offers spiritual, success, relationship, parenting and personalized videos to encourage and inspire those you love. These videos are around a minute long because Dawn believes it takes "Just a Dawn Minute" to change your life.
Monday, February 23, 2009
6 Secrets to Dealing with Today's Economic Stress
The Markets have gone MAD. Money Anxiety Disorder: That's what some are calling the latest American epidemic. While the market plunges, free-floating anxiety is rising. According to a survey in October by the American Psychological Association, 80 percent of us find the recent financial crisis a significant cause of stress—up from 66 percent last April—and women are bearing the brunt of the worry. Women are reporting greater concern over job stability, health problems, and financial concerns affecting their families. Many people have been careful about their finances. They have seen money as a safety net. Now that safety net appears to be unraveling right before their eyes.
While financial experts tell us not to panic, it is hard not to, when the reality is, people are afraid. Fear and stress take a serious toll on health, putting people at higher risk for a host of ailments from high blood pressure to heart disease. Most people know that research has shown that exercise and meditation are two of the most effective ways to reduce stress—but many feel too pressured to try either. So I asked a few experts for other strategies you might not have considered.
1. Sooth yourself. To lower financial stress, set a budget for each day and reward yourself with something soothing for staying on it. Alvin Hall, a financial commentator on BBC TV and radio and author of You and Your Money: Mastering the Emotions Behind the Numbers says, "Ask yourself: 'What is the one thing I can do that will give me the longest-lasting uplift for the least amount of money?'" During the economic downturn of 1987, Hall's treat was blackberry pie. "I'd think about it all day, and if I came in under my budget," he says, "I'd go order a slice. When I couldn't afford that, I'd visit the museum and look at Van Gogh paintings." What might feel soothing to you? A long bath, a walk, listening to music. Find ways to comfort and sooth yourself.
2. Nurture one another. Women, we are basic nurturers at our core. This is a time when we need to give one another manicures or pedicures. Or consider exchanging massages with your partner and friends. According to Robert Sapolsky, PhD, professor of neurology and neurological sciences at Stanford University, who has studied wild baboons for 30 years, primates groom each other to reduce stress—and the effect seems to be more powerful for the one who is doing the primping. Think about it. Instead of giving up services like this, that are so nurturing, give them as loving gifts to one another. What a lovely way to intimately contribute to the life of another. Touch is very bonding. When times are tough we need to bond more than ever.
3. Take up knitting. According to research at the Harvard-affiliated Benson-Henry Institute for Mind Body Medicine, the repetitive motion and focus of needlework can elicit what's known as the relaxation response—a calming meditation-like state that slows heart rate and causes blood pressure to drop. In addition, a study published in the Journal of the American Geriatrics Society suggests that knitting is associated with a lower risk of dementia for those 65 and older.
4. Visit the GOD CAN. Yes, there is a GOD CAN. The Heart Link Network, an international women's networking organization, and its online community for women called The Heart Alliance, have created a stress management gift for women everywhere. It costs nothing and is a comforting a lovely experience. You just go to the GOD CAN, write down any anxieties, concerns, or fears and press "I am done with this" and the note folds up and floats up and the lid of The GOD CAN opens for the note and then closes. Dawn L. Billings, the creator of the GOD CAN, was a family counselor for over 15 years and author of over 15 books. "What I found with my patients is that if you could give them a tangible way to release the stress in their lives, they felt real relief. I used to use balloons filled with helium, but now the GOD CAN works even better and it is as easy a click of a button on your computer. We are thrilled to offer than and many other services for women on our "no cost" online women's networking community."
5. Recreate community. Recreate deep and meaningful relationships in your life. Don't live isolated. During the Great Depression, historian David M. Kennedy, Pulitzer Prize–winning author of Freedom from Fear: The American People in Depression and War, 1929–1945, father experienced "what they called a nervous breakdown." Nervous breakdowns are about anxiety and stress reaching astronomical levels. During this very frightening time, we must force ourselves to connect more. It is the strong, healthy relational bonds in our lives that keep us sane. The broader our community of people we trust is, the stronger and more fortified we feel. This is a time to reach out and link arms and hearts with those around you.
6. Give more. It is true that giving is better than receiving. It not only makes a difference to the person receiving the gift, but it makes an enormous difference in the life of the person giving the gift. Find people you can help in small ways. Dawn Billings, CEO and Founder of The Heart Link Network and Link to Success Business Networking says, "We must be committed to sharing more random acts of kindness. It might not plug all the holes in the dam that we feel might be crumbling in front of us, but kindness always makes the water warmer."
Dawn L. Billings was selected by Oprah Magazine and The White House Project as one of the nation's 80 emerging women leaders for her socially dynamic programs created to benefit the lives of women and children. Dawn was also chosen by the YWCA in GA as one of 15 "Women of Achievement" in 2008.
While financial experts tell us not to panic, it is hard not to, when the reality is, people are afraid. Fear and stress take a serious toll on health, putting people at higher risk for a host of ailments from high blood pressure to heart disease. Most people know that research has shown that exercise and meditation are two of the most effective ways to reduce stress—but many feel too pressured to try either. So I asked a few experts for other strategies you might not have considered.
1. Sooth yourself. To lower financial stress, set a budget for each day and reward yourself with something soothing for staying on it. Alvin Hall, a financial commentator on BBC TV and radio and author of You and Your Money: Mastering the Emotions Behind the Numbers says, "Ask yourself: 'What is the one thing I can do that will give me the longest-lasting uplift for the least amount of money?'" During the economic downturn of 1987, Hall's treat was blackberry pie. "I'd think about it all day, and if I came in under my budget," he says, "I'd go order a slice. When I couldn't afford that, I'd visit the museum and look at Van Gogh paintings." What might feel soothing to you? A long bath, a walk, listening to music. Find ways to comfort and sooth yourself.
2. Nurture one another. Women, we are basic nurturers at our core. This is a time when we need to give one another manicures or pedicures. Or consider exchanging massages with your partner and friends. According to Robert Sapolsky, PhD, professor of neurology and neurological sciences at Stanford University, who has studied wild baboons for 30 years, primates groom each other to reduce stress—and the effect seems to be more powerful for the one who is doing the primping. Think about it. Instead of giving up services like this, that are so nurturing, give them as loving gifts to one another. What a lovely way to intimately contribute to the life of another. Touch is very bonding. When times are tough we need to bond more than ever.
3. Take up knitting. According to research at the Harvard-affiliated Benson-Henry Institute for Mind Body Medicine, the repetitive motion and focus of needlework can elicit what's known as the relaxation response—a calming meditation-like state that slows heart rate and causes blood pressure to drop. In addition, a study published in the Journal of the American Geriatrics Society suggests that knitting is associated with a lower risk of dementia for those 65 and older.
4. Visit the GOD CAN. Yes, there is a GOD CAN. The Heart Link Network, an international women's networking organization, and its online community for women called The Heart Alliance, have created a stress management gift for women everywhere. It costs nothing and is a comforting a lovely experience. You just go to the GOD CAN, write down any anxieties, concerns, or fears and press "I am done with this" and the note folds up and floats up and the lid of The GOD CAN opens for the note and then closes. Dawn L. Billings, the creator of the GOD CAN, was a family counselor for over 15 years and author of over 15 books. "What I found with my patients is that if you could give them a tangible way to release the stress in their lives, they felt real relief. I used to use balloons filled with helium, but now the GOD CAN works even better and it is as easy a click of a button on your computer. We are thrilled to offer than and many other services for women on our "no cost" online women's networking community."
5. Recreate community. Recreate deep and meaningful relationships in your life. Don't live isolated. During the Great Depression, historian David M. Kennedy, Pulitzer Prize–winning author of Freedom from Fear: The American People in Depression and War, 1929–1945, father experienced "what they called a nervous breakdown." Nervous breakdowns are about anxiety and stress reaching astronomical levels. During this very frightening time, we must force ourselves to connect more. It is the strong, healthy relational bonds in our lives that keep us sane. The broader our community of people we trust is, the stronger and more fortified we feel. This is a time to reach out and link arms and hearts with those around you.
6. Give more. It is true that giving is better than receiving. It not only makes a difference to the person receiving the gift, but it makes an enormous difference in the life of the person giving the gift. Find people you can help in small ways. Dawn Billings, CEO and Founder of The Heart Link Network and Link to Success Business Networking says, "We must be committed to sharing more random acts of kindness. It might not plug all the holes in the dam that we feel might be crumbling in front of us, but kindness always makes the water warmer."
Dawn L. Billings was selected by Oprah Magazine and The White House Project as one of the nation's 80 emerging women leaders for her socially dynamic programs created to benefit the lives of women and children. Dawn was also chosen by the YWCA in GA as one of 15 "Women of Achievement" in 2008.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Is there Hope for Success in this economy?
Have you ever asked yourself "Is there hope for success in this economy?" I certainly have. As I watch the faces of women I love tighten with stress as they wonder will they and their husbands keep their jobs, it seems that hope is being squeezed like orange juice, it just doesn't end up tasting sweet. Billions of dollars, nearing a trilion in fact, are being poured into the economy but who is getting the money and the relief? Do you know any one personally that is benefiting that is hurting?
It seems that in these difficult times we will need one another to support, encourage, and share with. What can we do to enhance our success? Well I have a couple of thoughts to share.
1. Find people that you can help. For those of us who have clothes, dishes, extras of any kind, let's find people who need them and create our own small form of personal relief.
2. Find ways to recreate community. We have become isolated from one another and now it is time to recreate that community unity once again. Get to know your neighbors, offer to watch their backs, let's get back to borrowing eggs and taking one another cookies and brownies.
3. Network, network, network. We must expand our circles of influence and increase our social capital. It is much easier to get things done if you know people who have similar desires that want to unite to help you. Whether it is networking at the Chamber of Commerce, BNI, the new women's networking organization The Heart Link Network, face to face women's networking or social networking like Facebook, Linkedin or The Heart Alliance or Link to Success Business Networking, these groups can be expand our friends, our resources, our minds and especially our hearts.
4. Take time to be thoughtful and kind. This is a time for random acts of kindness. Share food with your neighbors. Send more cards. Send Out Cards is a wonderful and easy way to send thoughtful cards. Volunteer to do something worthwhile and hour or two a week, or month. Or do something as easy as visiting the lovely Heart-Notes Garden created by The Heart Link Network as a gift to the world. It is a "no cost", wonderful way to send a thoughtful note by planting a flower of appreciation, remembrance, thoughtfulness, or kindness in an Internet garden of love.
5. Spread inspiration. We must be harvesters of hope. Feed hope. Spread hope. Give hope. It is in this gift that we will truly find the HOPE for success in this economy.
Dawn Billings, CEO and Founder of TheHeartLinkNetwork, TheHeartAlliance, LinktoSuccess Business Networking. Dawn is the author of 15 books on parenting, relationships and entitlement. Dawn is the creator of the new parenting toy/tool called Capables. Dawn was selected as one of the nation's emerging women leaders by Oprah Magazine and The White House Project, and selected as one of 15 Women of Achievement by the YWCA in Georgia
It seems that in these difficult times we will need one another to support, encourage, and share with. What can we do to enhance our success? Well I have a couple of thoughts to share.
1. Find people that you can help. For those of us who have clothes, dishes, extras of any kind, let's find people who need them and create our own small form of personal relief.
2. Find ways to recreate community. We have become isolated from one another and now it is time to recreate that community unity once again. Get to know your neighbors, offer to watch their backs, let's get back to borrowing eggs and taking one another cookies and brownies.
3. Network, network, network. We must expand our circles of influence and increase our social capital. It is much easier to get things done if you know people who have similar desires that want to unite to help you. Whether it is networking at the Chamber of Commerce, BNI, the new women's networking organization The Heart Link Network, face to face women's networking or social networking like Facebook, Linkedin or The Heart Alliance or Link to Success Business Networking, these groups can be expand our friends, our resources, our minds and especially our hearts.
4. Take time to be thoughtful and kind. This is a time for random acts of kindness. Share food with your neighbors. Send more cards. Send Out Cards is a wonderful and easy way to send thoughtful cards. Volunteer to do something worthwhile and hour or two a week, or month. Or do something as easy as visiting the lovely Heart-Notes Garden created by The Heart Link Network as a gift to the world. It is a "no cost", wonderful way to send a thoughtful note by planting a flower of appreciation, remembrance, thoughtfulness, or kindness in an Internet garden of love.
5. Spread inspiration. We must be harvesters of hope. Feed hope. Spread hope. Give hope. It is in this gift that we will truly find the HOPE for success in this economy.
Dawn Billings, CEO and Founder of TheHeartLinkNetwork, TheHeartAlliance, LinktoSuccess Business Networking. Dawn is the author of 15 books on parenting, relationships and entitlement. Dawn is the creator of the new parenting toy/tool called Capables. Dawn was selected as one of the nation's emerging women leaders by Oprah Magazine and The White House Project, and selected as one of 15 Women of Achievement by the YWCA in Georgia
Friday, February 13, 2009
5 Ways Women's Brains are different than Men's
Excerpted from a new book called Leadership and the Sexes written by Michael Gurian, co-founder of the Gurian
Institute which conducts brain-based research and provides education and training on gender issues and co-author
Barbara Annis, CEO of Barbara Annis & Associates, a company devoted to gender diversity research.
1. Women's brains are always "on."
There is more neural activity in the female brain at any given time than in the male brain.
This is probably why we as women are so much better at multi-tasking than men. Have you ever really thought about all of the things we keep track of at one time? Between kids, husbands, household's, our jobs, our friends, our charities, our churches - Wow, my brain hurts. : )
2. Men just want the facts.
Men usually ask fewer questions to stimulate conversation in their work relationships and often end conversations
more abruptly than women.
Women want the "who, what, when, where and why" behind the facts. Meaning matters to women. We love interrogative pronouns. Like journalists, we want the story, not simply the facts.
3. Women focus on friendship first.
Women tend to build relationships when they sell. They don’t tend to go into a transaction focused on the final
outcome but wanting to build rapport and learn more about the client first.
Women love to create relationships. We don't see one another as a "sale" we see one another as "people" who it would be fun to share our businesses, products and services with. That's why when men attempt to tell us its a numbers came, we know the only game we want to play is with people.
4. Men take it one task at a time.
Men tend to like to focus on one task at a time, whereas women’s brains are more geared to multitask.
Think of what the world would be like if we couldn't multi-task? Yikes. That would be frightening.
5. Women remember the little details.
Females can generally remember more physical and relational details than men.
That is why we relate to a women's face, the light in her eyes, and we want the story. We don't want boring statistics, we want meaning.
Because of the differences in our brains, we need different networking environments. That is why Dawn Billings, created The Heart Link Network, an international women's networking organization with over 120 locations across the US, Canada and Australia. The Heart Link Network was designed especially for the minds and hearts of women. Check out a location near you and experience the difference. Also Dawn created an online women's networking community for women around the world called The Heart Alliance
Institute which conducts brain-based research and provides education and training on gender issues and co-author
Barbara Annis, CEO of Barbara Annis & Associates, a company devoted to gender diversity research.
1. Women's brains are always "on."
There is more neural activity in the female brain at any given time than in the male brain.
This is probably why we as women are so much better at multi-tasking than men. Have you ever really thought about all of the things we keep track of at one time? Between kids, husbands, household's, our jobs, our friends, our charities, our churches - Wow, my brain hurts. : )
2. Men just want the facts.
Men usually ask fewer questions to stimulate conversation in their work relationships and often end conversations
more abruptly than women.
Women want the "who, what, when, where and why" behind the facts. Meaning matters to women. We love interrogative pronouns. Like journalists, we want the story, not simply the facts.
3. Women focus on friendship first.
Women tend to build relationships when they sell. They don’t tend to go into a transaction focused on the final
outcome but wanting to build rapport and learn more about the client first.
Women love to create relationships. We don't see one another as a "sale" we see one another as "people" who it would be fun to share our businesses, products and services with. That's why when men attempt to tell us its a numbers came, we know the only game we want to play is with people.
4. Men take it one task at a time.
Men tend to like to focus on one task at a time, whereas women’s brains are more geared to multitask.
Think of what the world would be like if we couldn't multi-task? Yikes. That would be frightening.
5. Women remember the little details.
Females can generally remember more physical and relational details than men.
That is why we relate to a women's face, the light in her eyes, and we want the story. We don't want boring statistics, we want meaning.
Because of the differences in our brains, we need different networking environments. That is why Dawn Billings, created The Heart Link Network, an international women's networking organization with over 120 locations across the US, Canada and Australia. The Heart Link Network was designed especially for the minds and hearts of women. Check out a location near you and experience the difference. Also Dawn created an online women's networking community for women around the world called The Heart Alliance
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
7 Lies you Tell Yourself that Steal Your Success
Most people long for success and feel frustrated because they don’t know what is keeping them from achieving it. Of course, no one’s life circumstances and environment are perfect. But there are some who appear to enjoy more success in all areas of their lives than others, so what makes the difference?
What makes the difference are the lies we tell ourselves that we think are true. What you think determines how you will react to situations in your life, as well as your behavior. The way you react to situations in your life depends on how you perceive the world and how you perceive the world, is determined by how you think. Yep, sounds like a vicious circle and it is.
As humans, we are meaning making machines and what ever meaning we give to a situation, or think about a situation determines our emotional response. For example, if someone raced past you speeding in a car you can think, Boy are they rude, dangerous, or inconsiderate, they deserve to be locked up!, or if you knew that one of their children had just been rushed to the hospital after a very serious injury you might think, I would be driving faster than they were. or Get out of their way!
If you believed the outcomes in your life are a direct result of the way you think, would you want to change some of your thoughts? It is so much easier to pretend, or believe the lie that how we feel, and where we are in life is because of someone else. It is easy to blame others like our annoying boss, out of control children, nagging wife, no good lazy husband, etc. But all of your feelings are actually caused by what you TELL yourself, in other words, the meaning you give to events and outcomes in your life.
Believing the lies that your current situation in all areas of your life is the fault of anyone else but you keeps you stuck, frustrated, angry and hopeless. That is why recognizing the lies you tell yourself is very important.
These lies that steal your success are.
1. Good things happen to everyone but me.
What you expect is usually what you get, so if you want to believe the lie that good things happen to everyone but you, guess what, good things will keep happening for others but not you. If you really want success, you must see it, believe it, dream it, taste it but especially talk it and think it. Expect success. Believe that success can be yours and your chances of achieving increase significantly.
2. Complaining is normal, everyone complains.
If you complain, you will attract more complainers. Birds of a feather flock together. When we complain, we focus on the very things we don’t want in our lives. The law of attraction tells us that what we focus on we give power and energy to in our lives. The more time you spend complaining, the less time you have to celebrate and appreciate the great things in your life. Stop complaining and stop giving yourself permission to complain. It makes you miserable and it makes the people you are complaining to, miserable.
3. Nobody really knows or understands me.
Winners recognize that it doesn't always matter how the a problem came to be, as it does to find a workable solution to the problem. If you believe the lie that nobody understands you, chances are you are continually doing, thinking and justifying things that aren’t working in your life. Everyone understands success. Most people don’t understand when someone keeps doing the same behavior and getting the same terrible results. If nobody understands you chances are, you really don’t understand yourself. If you want to succeed, we have to be willing to take a real and honest inventory of where we are and how we got there. Listen to your friends and family that love you. They could see that hole you keep falling into and help you walk around and past it.
4. All that is important is great desire and a dream.
How many have wished they could be a doctor, or dancer, or actor, CPA or a writer, but never created a plan about how to achieve those dreams. Dreams are great. Wishing upon a star is inspiring and hopeful, but if you are not willing to put action behind that wish, if you are not willing to create a plan and have the discipline to follow your plan, you end up only with an unfulfilled wish. Those who don't plan and create their future must live the reality of the future that created itself out of their inaction. Powerful results come from creating a plan and following through with persistence and discipline.
5. No one will pay me to do what I really want to do.
So often we convince ourselves that our choices in our life are limited. They are not. Find what you love doing more than anything and then get busy finding ways to get to do it. Let your strengths and talents guide you in choosing your vocation. You will discover that the true successes in life are those who have discovered their passions, married those passions to their talents, honed their skills to excellence and acted with persistence. You can do what you love to do, all you have to do is take the time to discover what it is you love and then how to benefit the lives of others by doing it.
6. I can’t . . .
This is one of the most powerful lies of all. Anytime you believe you can’t, you’ll find you’re right. If you refused to allow yourself to use the phrase I can’t and expected more of yourself so that your only option was to figure out how you actually could, you would be an astounding success. If you can only discipline yourself to stop believing one lie, this would be the lie to stop believing.
7. What I do doesn’t really matter in the big scheme of things.
This is a lie that will not only stop you from making your life a tremendous success; it will keep you from making the difference in the world you were born to make. We are each here for a purpose. We were not born just to take up space and use up resources. Unless you have the courage to stop believing this lie, you can never contribute to the many things in the world that need the very best of who you are. It does really matter what you do. Thousands of people are affected by what you do. When the world needs something, you could be the miracle, you could be the catalyst, the leader, the person who inspires others to join you in making a great and powerful difference. For your benefit and the benefit of the world, I ask you to give up believing this lie.
Dawn Billings, CEO & Founder of The Heart Link Network, women's networking at its best, The Heart Alliance, a no cost, online women's networking community for women around the world, Link to Success Business Networking, a business networking community for both men and women and author of 15 books including Entitled to Fail, Endowed to Succeed: America's Journey Back to Greatness
What makes the difference are the lies we tell ourselves that we think are true. What you think determines how you will react to situations in your life, as well as your behavior. The way you react to situations in your life depends on how you perceive the world and how you perceive the world, is determined by how you think. Yep, sounds like a vicious circle and it is.
As humans, we are meaning making machines and what ever meaning we give to a situation, or think about a situation determines our emotional response. For example, if someone raced past you speeding in a car you can think, Boy are they rude, dangerous, or inconsiderate, they deserve to be locked up!, or if you knew that one of their children had just been rushed to the hospital after a very serious injury you might think, I would be driving faster than they were. or Get out of their way!
If you believed the outcomes in your life are a direct result of the way you think, would you want to change some of your thoughts? It is so much easier to pretend, or believe the lie that how we feel, and where we are in life is because of someone else. It is easy to blame others like our annoying boss, out of control children, nagging wife, no good lazy husband, etc. But all of your feelings are actually caused by what you TELL yourself, in other words, the meaning you give to events and outcomes in your life.
Believing the lies that your current situation in all areas of your life is the fault of anyone else but you keeps you stuck, frustrated, angry and hopeless. That is why recognizing the lies you tell yourself is very important.
These lies that steal your success are.
1. Good things happen to everyone but me.
What you expect is usually what you get, so if you want to believe the lie that good things happen to everyone but you, guess what, good things will keep happening for others but not you. If you really want success, you must see it, believe it, dream it, taste it but especially talk it and think it. Expect success. Believe that success can be yours and your chances of achieving increase significantly.
2. Complaining is normal, everyone complains.
If you complain, you will attract more complainers. Birds of a feather flock together. When we complain, we focus on the very things we don’t want in our lives. The law of attraction tells us that what we focus on we give power and energy to in our lives. The more time you spend complaining, the less time you have to celebrate and appreciate the great things in your life. Stop complaining and stop giving yourself permission to complain. It makes you miserable and it makes the people you are complaining to, miserable.
3. Nobody really knows or understands me.
Winners recognize that it doesn't always matter how the a problem came to be, as it does to find a workable solution to the problem. If you believe the lie that nobody understands you, chances are you are continually doing, thinking and justifying things that aren’t working in your life. Everyone understands success. Most people don’t understand when someone keeps doing the same behavior and getting the same terrible results. If nobody understands you chances are, you really don’t understand yourself. If you want to succeed, we have to be willing to take a real and honest inventory of where we are and how we got there. Listen to your friends and family that love you. They could see that hole you keep falling into and help you walk around and past it.
4. All that is important is great desire and a dream.
How many have wished they could be a doctor, or dancer, or actor, CPA or a writer, but never created a plan about how to achieve those dreams. Dreams are great. Wishing upon a star is inspiring and hopeful, but if you are not willing to put action behind that wish, if you are not willing to create a plan and have the discipline to follow your plan, you end up only with an unfulfilled wish. Those who don't plan and create their future must live the reality of the future that created itself out of their inaction. Powerful results come from creating a plan and following through with persistence and discipline.
5. No one will pay me to do what I really want to do.
So often we convince ourselves that our choices in our life are limited. They are not. Find what you love doing more than anything and then get busy finding ways to get to do it. Let your strengths and talents guide you in choosing your vocation. You will discover that the true successes in life are those who have discovered their passions, married those passions to their talents, honed their skills to excellence and acted with persistence. You can do what you love to do, all you have to do is take the time to discover what it is you love and then how to benefit the lives of others by doing it.
6. I can’t . . .
This is one of the most powerful lies of all. Anytime you believe you can’t, you’ll find you’re right. If you refused to allow yourself to use the phrase I can’t and expected more of yourself so that your only option was to figure out how you actually could, you would be an astounding success. If you can only discipline yourself to stop believing one lie, this would be the lie to stop believing.
7. What I do doesn’t really matter in the big scheme of things.
This is a lie that will not only stop you from making your life a tremendous success; it will keep you from making the difference in the world you were born to make. We are each here for a purpose. We were not born just to take up space and use up resources. Unless you have the courage to stop believing this lie, you can never contribute to the many things in the world that need the very best of who you are. It does really matter what you do. Thousands of people are affected by what you do. When the world needs something, you could be the miracle, you could be the catalyst, the leader, the person who inspires others to join you in making a great and powerful difference. For your benefit and the benefit of the world, I ask you to give up believing this lie.
Dawn Billings, CEO & Founder of The Heart Link Network, women's networking at its best, The Heart Alliance, a no cost, online women's networking community for women around the world, Link to Success Business Networking, a business networking community for both men and women and author of 15 books including Entitled to Fail, Endowed to Succeed: America's Journey Back to Greatness
Thursday, October 9, 2008
What Have You Got to Give?
Have you ever attended a networking event that on your way to the event, the thought first and foremost in your mind was about what you hoped to get? Isn't that why we network in the first place? We hope to grow our businesses by creating new relationships, right? We all want to grow our businesses. We all want to sell our products, get more clients, build our organizations, live a life of where we feel secure about paying our bills, that's what we all want, that's why we network in the first place, right?
The problem is that if we enter a networking event thinking about what we want to get, people can feel it. Ninety percent of all communication is non verbal. People can literally hear our hearts. If that is true, and it is, maybe it would serve us better to attend our networking events with a different question on our hearts, like "What Have I Got to Give?" What might happen if we ask ourselves what we have to give that might help someone? Whether it is an encouraging word, a great idea, a bit of information or marketing tip that will help someone solve a problem, a referral, a sale, a lead? What if when we entered our networking event, we actually paid attention to others and looked for ways to make a positive difference in their businesses and their lives.
I believe that when we think about what we have to give to help someone, or how we can contribute to others, people can hear our intentions and they respond gratefully. Networking can provide us an opportunity to contribute and be generous. Contribution and generosity actually cause us to feel hopeful and happy. When people feel hopeful and happy they actually are more generous. It is a wonderful, self perpetuating, optimistic outlook that reinforces positive connections.
So if you really want the most benefit out of every networking experience, you might want to change the question on your mind when you network from "I wonder what I will get from this event?" to "What have I got to give?"
Dawn Billings, CEO & Founder of The Heart Link Network and www.TheHeartAlliance.com (a no cost women's networking online community) and Link to Success Business Networking
The problem is that if we enter a networking event thinking about what we want to get, people can feel it. Ninety percent of all communication is non verbal. People can literally hear our hearts. If that is true, and it is, maybe it would serve us better to attend our networking events with a different question on our hearts, like "What Have I Got to Give?" What might happen if we ask ourselves what we have to give that might help someone? Whether it is an encouraging word, a great idea, a bit of information or marketing tip that will help someone solve a problem, a referral, a sale, a lead? What if when we entered our networking event, we actually paid attention to others and looked for ways to make a positive difference in their businesses and their lives.
I believe that when we think about what we have to give to help someone, or how we can contribute to others, people can hear our intentions and they respond gratefully. Networking can provide us an opportunity to contribute and be generous. Contribution and generosity actually cause us to feel hopeful and happy. When people feel hopeful and happy they actually are more generous. It is a wonderful, self perpetuating, optimistic outlook that reinforces positive connections.
So if you really want the most benefit out of every networking experience, you might want to change the question on your mind when you network from "I wonder what I will get from this event?" to "What have I got to give?"
Dawn Billings, CEO & Founder of The Heart Link Network and www.TheHeartAlliance.com (a no cost women's networking online community) and Link to Success Business Networking
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